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Today, you may be grilling kabobs, lounging around a pool and, perhaps, knocking back a mojito or Miller Lite too many. It’s for your health and enjoyment that I recommend Joan Acocella’s thoughtful, useful and at-times hilarious meditation on the hangover. It gets scant research yet is hazardous in the workplace, disruptive to the economy and incredibly common around the globe (you are not alone!). She explores traditional and newfangled remedies as well as literature on the subject, the highlight being Kingsley Amis’ description of the “metaphysical hangover”:

“When that ineffable compound of depression, sadness (these two are not the same), anxiety, self-hatred, sense of failure and fear for the future begins to steal over you, start telling yourself that what you have is a hangover. . . . You have not suffered a minor brain lesion, you are not all that bad at your job, your family and friends are not leagued in a conspiracy of barely maintained silence about what a s— you are, you have not come at last to see life as it really is.”

Besides being heartened by that, you can find practical information, too. The main issues at work in a hangover are withdrawal, dehydration, inflammation and the body’s use of chemicals to break down alcohol that may be more harmful than the vile spirits in the first place. Most of the remedies we know of — hair of the dog, greasy food — tend to delay or distract from the most toxic parts of the hangover process. (At least hair of the dog includes some descriptive drink names, such as the Suffering Bastard and the Corpse Reviver.) More modern treatments such as Sob’rK and Chaser use carbon to absorb toxins (supposedly). RU-21 (developed by the KGB!) is popular, but it’s not entirely clear why it would work.

What does all this mean to you? Make sure you’re eating before or while drinking. If you’re inclined to try an over-the-counter remedy, most are recommended before bedtime, if not before drinking. Drink plenty of water with your alcohol and before you go to bed. Red Bull will not keep or make you sober. Maybe take some vitamin C. If you’ve been truly foolish and find yourself in a very bad way, you may just have to bite the bullet and make yourself ill before going to bed. And, until researchers find a better cure, tomorrow morning, try aspirin and vows of contrition.

Anyone have any better ideas?

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