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From today’s b, the paper

QUESTION: I don’t like when my man performs oral sex on me. When he’s doing it, I am thinking about something else or watching TV. Some of the men I have been with noticed this, but I really didn’t care because they weren’t around long. But I am really in love with this guy. He notices that I don’t like it. He loves to perform oral sex on me and I let him but I would rather be doing some other foreplay than that. What’s wrong with me? Aren’t all women supposed to enjoy oral sex?

ladawn says: Sister, wake up and see that the same way some people like their feet licked and others like a little slap with their love, some would never ever go there — and the same preferences apply to oral sex. Not all women are stimulated orally, and instead of zoning out during the act, point your man in other areas that actually turn you on. I understand that he enjoys doing the deed, but I promise you he’d enjoy doing any other deed for you far more if it actually paid off passionately for you.

QUESTION: I’m a 27-year-old guy engaged to a really beautiful young lady. She treats me like a king. We have a very beautiful daughter and are engaged to be married. I have a problem, though. I am addicted to transsexuals. It started with just going into viewing booths at porn shops and masturbating to actually getting worked up and curious enough to actually solicit a transsexual for sexual service. First, it was just oral sex in the car and it progressed to sessions with her at hotels. I feel like I’m addicted. Every time I tell myself it is the last time, but it never really is. I know I can’t tell my fiancée, but I need to end this obsession cleanly and as quietly as possible to maintain the life that I know I want. How do I go about it? Do you have any ideas?

ladawn says: Sweetie, you are entering into dangerous territory. The hardest thing in the world to do is suppress your desires. The answer for you is to find a way to be honest about your attraction to transsexuals and a way to let the woman in your life know about it. The worst thing you can do to both of you is to continue to think that these feelings can be suppressed or will one day go away — because they will not. Keeping the secret will destroy her and any hopes of maintaining a quality relationship (friendship or romantic) for the sake of your daughter. Let her know what you have been doing. She will be mad, but the gift is that things that may have not made sense to her in the relationship will now make sense, and she can now make quality decisions about the relationship with all the facts. This is also a gift to you in that you can remove the burden of secrecy and start moving toward resolution. I would advise you to start the journey with a counselor on your own and then integrate your fiancee into the sessions once a base has been established. Stop denying your desires and learn how to be fulfilled in a responsible and open manner.

On a personal note, on Monday my co-worker and probably one of the coolest people I have ever worked with, The Club Queen, K-Swift of Off the Hook Radio on 92Q, passed away. For the past four years, I have followed Off the Hook Radio on the air, and it was always an adventure. Being from D.C., I quickly received a baptism in Club music, and I now like it. There was a team feel between our shows, and I have always been thankful for it. I was new to radio, and K-Swift was always encouraging and ready to jump in with advice. K-Swift was confident and clear about her purpose. I was constantly blown away with what she could accomplish, and I was always excited to learn what was coming next. I extend my thoughts and prayers to her family during this time and know that I, along with all of Baltimore, will miss her. — L

Ladawn Black is a relationship expert, author and host of the Love Zone on 92Q. Her latest book is “Let’s Get It On: 15 Hot Tips and Tricks to Spice Up Your Sex Life.” Her column appears Wednesdays. Send questions to advice@ladawnblack.com

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