Gross.

It’s Fourth of July weekend, a weekend where we get together to commemorate the efforts of our forefathers, who selflessly fought for our independence. We show our appreciation and our patriotism in many ways.

We grill up a ton of heart-clogging American food. We slam down cans of the finest light beers America has to offer. We play horseshoes or cornhole — also known as beanbag toss to those who aren’t from naïve Midwestern states. We set off illegally purchased fireworks while listening to Bruce Springsteen. Can it get more American than that? Hardly.

But before we lather on the sunscreen and throw on the red, white and blue, we partake in a growing Independence Day tradition: We watch a bunch of fat guys and a freak of nature from Japan shove piles of greasy hot dogs down their throats as quickly as possible.

I’m not quite sure this is what George Washington and Thomas Jefferson had in mind.

The Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest has been around since 1916, when, as legend has it, four immigrants determined who was most American by seeing who could eat as many hot dogs as possible in a 12-minute span. An Irish immigrant named James Mullen ate 13 dogs to win the impromptu contest. No word on if he got his American citizenship right there on the spot.

Today, these “athletes” can inhale five times as many hot dogs as Mullen did — Joey Chestnut consumed 66 last year to set a world record — but as much as they claim to be, these men and women aren’t athletes. They couldn’t be further from it.

That doesn’t mean the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest isn’t fun to watch. An intense rivalry is brewing between Chestnut and six-time champion Takeru Kobayashi of Japan. Chestnut edged Kobayashi by three dogs last year to bring the belt back to the United States, a scene reminiscent of Rocky taking down Ivan Drago in “Rocky IV.” And yes, there actually is a belt.

The ESPN announcers on hand, who shall remain nameless to protect their reputations, proclaimed that Chestnut’s victory “could be the greatest moment in American sports history.” I wish I was making this up. They also explained that if you Google the word “hero,” “you’ll get Abe Lincoln and Joey Chestnut,” which is absolutely ridiculous. Everyone knows you’ll get Chuck Norris.

The announcers make the contest a can’t-miss, turning a disgusting, non-sport spectacle into semi-intentional humoristic dynamite with lines such as this gem a few years back: “Kobayashi might be the greatest athlete practicing any sport in the world today.”

Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest is a train wreck, but as much as I hate to admit it, I’ll be tuning in Friday. After all, isn’t this what our ancestors were fighting for?

Matt Vensel is a content creator for b. Contact him at matt@bthesite.com

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