“They say that travel broadens the mind, till ya can’t get your head out the door’”
 – Elvis Costello 

With the cost of gas being what it is, you may not be to keen on the idea of starting a band and playing to three people in Athens, Ga., at 3 a.m. and making $25 (that’s a good night, by the way), but you should consider it. I figured that a lot of you music enthusiasts reading this are probably musicians or aspiring to be, and thus would like to tour at some point, but you’re probably being tragically misled by naysayers, and curmudgeons. Here is the deal: You can do it, and you don’t have to go broke doing it.

The other day while coming back from a relatively successful mini-tour, I thought: Why not drop some helpful tips on you blog buddies looking to take things on the road? For those not in a band, this will be a little peek at the nuts and bolts that go into bringing underground bands to your favorite hole-in-the-wall. From my meager experience (with stints ranging from two weeks to a month-and-a-half), I can offer a few bits of advice for the beginner. Let’s extinguish the first myth right away: “You need lots of money to tour.” This is unfortunately the first brick in a great wall of “Why bother?” built by jerks who don’t want you to enjoy life. Test the waters a little; don’t shoot for the moon right away. I recently did a week-and-a-half mini tour. Ya know how much money I spent? $200. I made about $180, spending a whopping $20 (take that you negative Nellys!). How did I do it?

Tip No. 1: Well first off, you gotta make sure you’re in a vehicle that can get good gas mileage. The first thing that will tank you is a gas guzzler. Most bands have a few members, so this may offer some options. Here is a hint: If the van uses more energy than the venue you’re driving to, you got problems. Minivans kind of suck, too; they are really not built to be conducive for the budget of a struggling band. If you’re just starting out, chances are you don’t have a stadium set-up and can likely fit in a smaller vehicle. If you have no vehicle, get a Greyhound pass and replace your drum set with a drum machine!

Tip No. 2: MERCH MERCH MERCH!! Sell T-shirts, CDs and posters. These are all easy things to make. I bought a pack of 100 blank CDs at Wal-Mart for $15. My girlfriend made sleeves out of old National Geographic magazines (free). So do a little math here. Sell the CDs for $5 apiece. Chances are you’ll sell 30 and give away 20, and the 30 you sell, you’ll sell for around $3. Even if you sold 30 for $3 and gave away 20, you’re still walking away with a $75 profit. T-shirts are a little more work, but if you put in the effort it pays off. Buy blank T’s at any thrift shop when they are doing a 50 percent off day and buy paints at a discount art supplier. You don’t have to be Picasso – weird crappy T-shirts actually sell better than nifty well-printed shirts. Go figure. You’ll probably wanna screen-print, so find a bud with the screen-printing  equipment, and you’re in. Posters are mad easy: Make ‘em, print ‘em in color and sell ‘em cheap ($1-$3). Tip: Make good friends with someone who has access to a printing lab at a college!

Tip No. 3: Don’t buy crap!
Man, it’s so easy to go to Burger King or Taco Bell, but resist the urge. Load up on cheap hearty foods: oatmeal, bananas, apples, almonds, peanut butter, etc. These foods will give you actual energy, vs. the ephemeral blast from a Coke and a Big Mac and will save you tons of money. Also, most places where you crash will hook you up with meals. This leads into my last blog-buddy tip.

Tip No. 4: Don’t sweat it, dawg!
No matter how antisocial and repugnant you are, someone will let you crash (come on – they let ME crash; you’ll be fine). When you get to the gig, make it known that you need a place to crash, but don’t be a crybaby about it. Just casually slip it in there, i.e. “Man, it looks cold out. Sleeping in the car is gonna be rough … aww, shucks.” OK, so that’s a little passive-aggressive and very crybabyish, but you get it.

Bonus tip: BE ORGANIZED!
Keep a notebook with contact info and MapQuest directions for each place. P.S. Get phone numbers – a MySpace url wont help you in Stone Mountain, Ga., at 6 p.m. on a Sunday. Contact the places you’ve booked a couple days before arrival. Get the lowdown on what they’ve got, so you know what you need. 

Double bonus tip: Get booking advice
   
If you have a friend who has toured, ask for some contacts and use Myspace to check out the venue. Most venues have a page, and it will give you a good visual and audio feel of things. If they’ve got two hits and a Nickelback song playing on their home page, you may wanna hightail it out of there!
   
These tips are by no means Better Homes and Gardens’ version of what you need to know – just some Cliff’s Notes to give you hope that you can do it! See ya next week. Also, please give any helpful tips that you have picked up on, or tell me how bad my advice is! I love you guys!

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