From today’s, b the paper

Political buttons? The last time we checked, it wasn’t the 19th century. And bumper stickers? So 2004.

Modernize your candidate support with some of these offbeat options. There’s everything from John McCain- and Barack Obama-friendly dog clothes to condoms (Levi Johnston not available for comment). And we somehow found Joe Biden memorabilia, which proved as elusive as the Ark of the Covenant.

There’s just a few weeks to go before Nov. 4, so show your creative political pride while you can.

“Obama Said Knock You Out” T-shirt $17.95 clutchtees.com
L.L. Cool J.’s song lyrics (ex.: “Rockin’ my peers and putting suckas in fear”) seems oddly apropos for Obama. Sadly, b staff’s favorite saying, “Barack in the Saddle,” is not available in shirt form.

McLovin’ McCain Palin mirror back $5 mccainblogettestore.com
This blog is run by McCain’s daughter, Meghan, and we think she probably created the clever design. Drop “Yes We Can.” “McLovin’ McCain” is far superior.

McCainine dog shirt $19.99 pets.cafepress.com
Forget plastic baggies. What your dog park really needs is more political braggadocio. The Obama equivalent (“Bark Obama Woof!”) lets us down because it’s more expensive and, well, lame. What, no “O-bow-wow-ma?”

Obama ’08 boxer-brief $29 andrewchristian.com
On Andrew Christian’s Web site, you have to have 2 percent body fat to wear these. But at home, anything goes. And part of the sales are contributed to the Obama campaign, because he needs the extra dough.

Election Protection condoms $11.95/1 doz. condomania
Not only are Obama and McCain represented, but, more appropriately, so are Bill Clinton and John F. Kennedy. Sadly, they don’t protect against the hot air spewing from Bill O’Reilly and Keith Olbermann.

“I’d Sleep with the Veep” thong $12.99 cafepress.com
This, uh, underthing, is the most lesbian-friendly of all election merch we encountered. According to the Web site, “panty-minimalists love our casual thong that covers the sweet spots without covering your assets.”

“McCain 1908” T-shirt $15.99 bustedtees.com
We see this one crossing party lines. Dems will enjoy it because — have you heard? — McCain’s kind of old. But Wilford Brimley-types could wear it as a badge of honor.

Joe Biden Is My Homeboy’s Homeboy T-shirt $23.40 zazzle.com
It’s not exactly a ringing endorsement, but finding a Biden shirt is like getting Palin to pronounce her g’s — a hard-fought battle rarely won.

iKiss Barack peppermint candy $11.99/1 bag = 50 mints search on ebay
No, it’s not affiliated with Apple. It’s from a company run by someone named Daniele Kanai, who we think either wants to kiss Obama herself or is doing her duty by preparing you to smooch him.

Bikers for McCain T-shirt $15 goptrunk.com
We’re not sure what’s in this “GOP trunk,” but it also offers a helmet sticker and a bandana, for all you fashion-concious biker gangs.

Commie Obama rally cap with Leninade $34 commieobama.com
Now you can keep your head warm while quenching your thirst and fighting Commies like Obama. Finally!

Omama T-shirt $26.35 zazzle.com
Everyone thinks Palin is hot, what with her Tina Fey glasses and moose shootin’. And this shirt features a particularly nice (i.e. hot) rendering of the Alaska governor. Rarrr!

Jordan Bartel is assistant editor at b. E-mail him at jordan@bthesite.com.

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