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Who wears short SHORTS?

by b | July 8, 2009 at 8:23 pm
Posted in b the paper

Re-packaging the package.
It’s true: Bright colors, bold patterns, skimpier cuts and even “frontal enhancement” are in style for men this year. That means fitted trunks, eye-catching bikinis and revealing thongs are all over Europe and the West Coast — even if East Coasters are still clinging to their board shorts. But local fashion experts predict the barely there beachwear will invade our shores next year. And if you want to be ahead of the curve (since you are that trendy), you’ve come to the right place. We’ve found five suits that will turn heads when you’re going downy ocean, hon.

 Show-It Bikini by Andrew Christian
If you’ve got it, flaunt it. And if you don’t, try this bikini by designer Andrew Christian. Engineered for “maximum frontal enhancement,” this suit lifts and adds half an inch where it matters most.
“It makes you perkier and bigger than what you actually are,” Christian said. “If you want to get noticed, it’s definitely the suit to wear.”
The bikini features what Christian calls “Show-It Technology 2.0.” The secret lies in the suit’s elastic-lined horseshoe-shaped cup. The elastic provides lift, while the two-toned color scheme draws attention to your package.
Cost: $38
Colors: Black/red, white/navy
buy it: andrewchristianshop.com

Blue Hawaiian Thong by Male Power
It takes a real man to wear a thong — especially one with a flower print. Lee Nino, owner of apollowear.com, said his North Carolina-based online store has shipped orders for prints across the United States and as far as Europe and Australia. The Blue Hawaiian is among the most popular suits from his online store.
Guys opt for the tiny suits, like thongs, to achieve a better tan, Nino said.
“If you put on board shorts you’ll have an uneven tan. That’s where the square cut or thong comes in,” he said. “You’re more exposed, but you’re not going to have white thighs and tan lower legs.”
Cost: $22
Colors: Blue
buy it: apollowear.com

Calypso Squarecut by Pistol Pete
Plaid isn’t just for kilts. Some of this year’s hottest swimsuits for men come in plaid, according to Undergear designer Pablo Diaz. Combine the plaid pattern with the squarecut fit, and you’ll be the most fashionable guy on the boardwalk.
The suit’s cut is inspired by traditional trunks, but the shorter length and tighter fit make the squarecut suit more trendy.
“There’s experimentation in underwear design and men’s fashion that translates to men’s swimwear,” Diaz said. “That’s what you see in the squarecut suit. It’s a revival of the trunk, but more fitted like boxer shorts and very stylish.”
Cost: $40
Colors: Black/white
buy it: undergear.com

Flashback Swim Trunk
by Andrew Christian
Looking to emphasize your assets? This suit (the most popular item on andrewchristianshop.com) lifts your backside without pads, cups and straps. It’s like a Wonderbra for the butt.
The design, which originally appeared in his men’s underwear line, is fashion-forward but still masculine, Christian said.
“For the swimwear, I knew it had to have a sportier edge, and I wanted it to be a little more fashion-influenced, so I gave it cooler lines and color blocking to make it stand out,” he said. Bonus: This suit is made of a fade-resistant nylon/Spandex blend.
Cost: $54
Colors: Black, navy
buy it: andrewchristianshop.com

Vogue Swim Trunk by 3G
Banana hammocks aren’t for everyone. If you want to look good this summer without being too exposed, try Vogue’s trunks. While trunks aren’t new to men’s swimwear, this season’s lengths are.
Expect to see mid-thigh suits on boardwalks and beaches this summer, instead of knee-length ones. “Retro swimwear from the 1950s has become a new trend, especially trunks,” Diaz said. “It’s a body-conscious suit that’s masculine but at the same time very sexy.”
Cost: $57.95
Colors: Red, navy
buy it: undergear.com
Jazzmen Tynes, special to b


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9 responses.

  1. never have i seen so many close-ups of some dude's junk

  2. isn't it just splendid :P

  3. A friend on Facebook saw this story and recommended an appropriate beefcake accessory:
    http://www.gizmodo.com.au/2009/07/ript-fusion-shirt-transforms-man-into-meathead-instantly/

  4. I'm surprised JF hasn't weighed in on this yet.

  5. Oh, and thank you, folks, for giving me my first modeling break. Even if you don't get to see my face.

  6. This discussion reminds me of the super awesome meat shorts. I even liked their packaging:

    http://www.eatmedaily.com/2009/03/meat-shorts-make-a-carnivorous-fashion-statement/

  7. I hate this cover! Im in the paper today, I always save every newspaper clip when Im in the paper. I have to pick up this wimpy newspaper now. DO YOU know how many guys AINT going to get a B paper today because of this cover? ALOT!! Its not manly to be walking around with a cover of a guys shorts in speedo crap and walking around with paper....u should have put a bikini on the cover instead..hahaa!!!

  8. we've had a couple bikini-clad female covers before, tim. sorry this one makes you uncomfortable.

  9. haha! It makes me a little uncomfortable picking up a newspaper at a stand of a guy in short shorts! I think alot of guys will feel this way. Im in the paper, so I have to get one, maybe I will make my wife pick up the paper..haha! But yeah Jordan, I would have preffered another bikini babe on todays cover!