Just try to avoid “A Dog Named Christmas.” We dare you {thanks, CBS}

Keep the holidays happy with our movie and TV picks. You can’t spend every second shopping, can you? jordan bartel, b

IN THEATERS
•••• “Fantastic Mr. Fox” (Out Wednesday): Quirky auteur Wes Anderson gets (stop-motion) animated, taking on the Roald Dahl tale about a wily fox patriarch (George Clooney) trying to go straight. Thank God for no CGI (finally!).
•••• “Brothers” (Dec. 4): One of this year’s late Important Dramatic Movie entries focuses on a man (Jake Gyllenhaal) comforting his brother’s (Tobey Maguire) wife (Natalie Portman) after he goes missing in Afghanistan. Honestly, we’d see Gyllenhaal and Portman in anything, even in torture porn or a sickeningly sweet rom-com.
•••• “Up in the Air” (Dec. 25): Clooney (again) is getting raves as a man whose job is to travel around the country firing people. It’s actually a comedy from director Jason Reitman (“Juno”). Convinced?
•••• “Sherlock Holmes” (Dec. 25): Director Guy Ritchie is an acquired taste, but he’s going mainstream with his take on the beloved detective (a perfectly cast Robert Downey Jr.). Plus, Rachel McAdams and Jude Law!

THANKSGIVING TV
•••• “Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade” (9 a.m. Thursday, WBAL-21 NBC): We’re not saying you’re un-American if you don’t watch this. You’re probably just a Communist. How can you resist all the floats, performances and Santa? Keep a look out for the Towson Marching Band, making its New York City debut.
•••• Beyoncé/McCartney concerts (9 p.m. Thursday, WMAR-12 ABC): Nothing says Turkey Day like Sasha Fierce. Thankfully, Beyonce and Paul McCartney are starring in back-to-back one-hour specials. You’ll see Beyonce in a concert taped over the summer in Las Vegas, followed by a McCartney special, including highlights from his July show in New York City.
•••• “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving” (8 p.m. Thursday, WMAR-12 ABC): A feast (Kind of. Pretzels are involved), Snoopy-Woodstock bonding and — appropriately — pulling the football away from Charlie Brown.
•••• Football (everywhere, all day/night): We’re not even going to begin to list all that’s going on. You’ll find out. Go for it.

CHEESY CHRISTMAS MOVIES
•••• “Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Clause” (3 p.m. Saturday, Lifetime): A single mom with no personal life gets set up by her son with a Santa-in-waiting. Oh, Steve Guttenberg is in it, too.
•••• “A Dog Named Christmas” (9 p.m. Sunday, WJZ-23 CBS): To be fair, this one’s also heartwarming. A developmentally challenged man tries to rally his community to join a local shelter’s Christmas adopt-a-dog program.
•••• “12 Men of Christmas” (9 p.m. Dec. 5, Lifetime): A New York publicist loses her job and moves to Montana, where she persuades male rescue workers to pose for a calendar. You can relate.
•••• “Santa Baby 2: Christmas Maybe” (8 p.m. Dec. 13, ABC Family): In this original movie premiere, Jenny McCarthy is back as Santa’s “business-minded daughter.” And someone’s being prepped to take over the family business. But a disgruntled elf stands in the way. We couldn’t make this stuff up, folks.

CHRISTMAS SPECIALS
•••• “The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show” (10 p.m. Dec. 1, WJZ-23 CBS): Christmas comes early for those who enjoy hot chicks in lingerie.
•••• “Christmas in Rockefeller Center” (7 p.m. Dec. 2, WBAL-21 NBC): Tree lighting!
•••• “Carrie Underwood: An All-Star Holiday Special” (8 p.m. Dec. 7, WBFF-15 Fox): Underwood performs previous hits, holiday classics and songs from her new album. But, yikes, there are comedy skits. Proceed with caution.
•••• “Saturday Night Live Christmas 2009” (8 p.m. Dec. 17, WBAL-21 NBC): Perhaps they’ll make up for the extreme suckery that has been this season.

CLASSIC CHRISTMAS MOVIES
•••• “Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas” (8 p.m. Monday, WMAR-12 ABC); “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer (8 p.m. Dec. 2 and 12, WJZ-23 CBS); “It’s a Wonderful Life” (8 p.m. Dec. 12 and 24, WBAL-21 NBC); “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and the Island of Misfit Toys” (7 p.m. Dec. 15, ABC Family); “Miracle on 34th Street” (10 p.m. Dec. 23, ABC Family); “A Christmas Story” marathon (starts 8 p.m. Dec. 24, TBS).

Jordan Bartel is assistant editor at b. E-mail him at jordan@bthesite.com

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