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Over the two years that Erica Jacobson has dated boyfriend Cameron Chesnik, theirs has been a happy relationship. But when it came time to bring him home for the holidays, Jacobson was a bundle of nerves.

“He has this wholesome, sweet family,” says the 26-year-old paralegal, who lives in Owings Mills and juggles work and classes at the Community College of Baltimore County. “But my mother and aunt are kinda wacky. I love them, but I’m always worrying about what they are going to say or do. Sometimes they can be pretty off the wall.”

Her good-natured complaints range from “embarrassing” childhood stories the family tells to the quirky décor at her mother’s home: “Mom is kind of a Mickey Mouse freak, so there are thousands of statues and figurines all over the house.”

While Jacobson once worried that Chesnik might bolt and never call again, fortunately, he wasn’t judgmental.

“Erica is the best. … I am the lucky schlub that got to see the true beauty and [the] wonder that she really is,” says Chesnik, 33, an MBA candidate at Mount St. Mary’s University.

While acknowledging that the visit “was a lot to process,” Chesnik says Jacobson’s mother showed great “affection and love” toward her daughter. “Honestly, that’s what mattered most to me,” he adds. “The rest of the wackiness just gets filed away.”

First comes love; then comes your first big holiday together, complete with pecks under the mistletoe and joy to the world. But one big gaffe with gift giving or meeting the folks, and you could find yourself single by the time New Year’s Eve rolls around.

“Part of the problem is the pressure from the expectations we harbor for the holiday season,” says P.M. Forni, a Johns Hopkins University professor and author of “Choosing Civility: The Twenty-Five Rules of Considerate Conduct.”

“For instance, for many of us every Christmas has to be the `Best Christmas Ever,’” says Forni, who has appeared on “Oprah” and ABC News.  “If a relationship is not standing on solid foundations, the ensuing stress can do plenty of damage.”

Take that age-old problem of finding the right gift. Jamiel and Kelli Dawson of Northeast Baltimore, who first met in 2002 at UMBC and were married on a Caribbean island last October, have worked out some kinks over the years.

“I would usually be the one giving the nice, thoughtful gifts and Kelli wouldn’t,” says Jamiel, 27, an IT engineer from Philadelphia.

“I didn’t feel appreciated,” he says, adding that he cherishes his wife and likes to “woo a woman, really surprise her and knock her off her feet.”

His wife admits she wasn’t “the best gift giver” in the beginning. He was giving jewelry while she would give a matching sweater-and-hat set, or Playstation cartridges for less-popular games.
“He was my first boyfriend during the holidays, so my experience was only limited to family and friends,” says Kelli, 28, a career coordinator for a non-profit that aids urban families. “It was challenging in the beginning because it was and is very important for him to receive gifts that make him feel appreciated.”

Thankfully, after a few talks the pair better understood each other. They now gravitate to gifts that let them spend time together, such as trips to Disney World.

Sometimes the holiday stress is about scheduling. Grad students Nishamarie Sherry, 24, and Maxwell Romanik, 28, understand. With divorced parents, stepparents and siblings scattered among India, Detroit, Boston, New Mexico, Switzerland and upstate New York, the holidays can feel like the Travel Channel.

“We’re both from large families — he’s Jewish and I’m Indian and Irish-Catholic,” says Sherry, who began dating Romanik on Valentine’s Day two years ago.

Given the couple’s crazy schedules (Max is pursuing dual law and MBA degrees at the University of Maryland, Baltimore; Sherry’s juggling law at UMB, plus public health studies at Hopkins) the Mount Vernon residents must be extra accommodating.

This year, they’re juggling multiple Hanukkah and Christmas celebrations. The rest of their holiday itinerary is equally dizzying.

“I’m leaving for Michigan to celebrate Christmas with my sister, my dad and his family from the 24th to the 29th,” explains Sherry. “Then I will meet Max and his family in Albuquerque and celebrate New Years with them there. Max and I return to Baltimore together on the 6th of January for a wedding.”

Bur for them, it’s worth it: “Our families are very influential in our lives, and we adore spending time with them,” she says.

Speaking of family, the Dawsons are thrilled this holiday season because their best gift is soon to come: a baby boy, due in January. Donna M. Owens, special to b

Gift giving for each stage of a relationship

Strictly casual: If you see someone regularly but, um, casually, give something that adds to the moment: an excellent bottle of wine or Scotch, perhaps, or a Victoria’s Secret gift card, plus a hot kiss (or more) under the mistletoe.

1-3 dates: A funny card with a brief note inside is good. Don’t take one out of the pack of 12 Christmas cards you bought; select a card for him/her.

A month: Get a little more personal but not too heavy. If you’re creative, put that to use: Write a poem or song, or do the Picasso thing and sketch your amour’s face or nude body.

2-3 months:  Take into consideration the personality of the receiver. A certain book or a big night out at a special restaurant or play is ideal.

4-5 months: Jewelry or clothing your honey likes is ideal. While you don’t wish to appear cheap, don’t splurge and appear too serious, especially if the relationship is evolving. You may just ask: “What gift would really make you happy?”

Single at the holidays

While it takes work for couples to thoughtfully juggle gifts and ambitious holiday plans, experts say there are different stresses for people who are single.

“You might find yourself saying, ‘Another holiday and my younger cousin got engaged. When’s it going to be my turn?’” says Nanette Geiger, author of “Create the Love of Your Dreams: the Essential How-To Relationship Book using the Law of Attraction.” “Or you are at a family gathering and they’re looking at you sidewise, like ‘Geez, she’s still single.’”

But Geiger, a relationship coach, educator and speaker whose specialty is attraction, says that the holidays don’t have to be sad for those in search of love if they break free of limiting behavior patterns and realize their greatest desires.

“If you deeply want a love connection and intimacy, it’s possible,” she says. The key, she says, is being aware of and fine-tuning the energy that you put out to the world.

This holiday season, Gieger advises, “tell yourself that you are delicious, luscious and attractive, and you will attract someone who senses that. He or she may be looking for you, too.” Donna M. Owens, special to b

How not to holiday

Baltimore’s Koli Tengella is a stand-up comedian who’s performed locally at the Comedy Factory and in venues across the country for some of comedy’s biggest names – including Tracy Morgan, David Alan Grier, Tommy Davidson and Richard Belzer.

Tengella is also a pop-culture critic and the writer/director of new indie flick “Represent,” which chronicles Baltimore City middle school students. b asked the funnyman for his special list of holiday do’s and don’ts when you’re in a relationship.

WORST THINGS TO SAY TO THE FOLKS:
1. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, didn’t think I was gonna make it. Thank goodness for early release programs!”
2. “Your son is one of the nicest people I’ve met since getting out of rehab.”
3. “I told your daughter she shouldn’t worry about aging. You aren’t all that wrinkled.”

AND YOU PROBABLY DON’T WANT TO SAY THESE TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER:
1. “Hey, babe. Your dad sure is hot. Can’t wait to get him under the mistletoe!”
2. “Don’t think of it as too small. Think of it as motivation to look as sexy as you were when we first met.”
3. “I knew you would like the gift. All my other exes loved it too!”

THINK TWICE BEFORE GIVING (OR ACCEPTING) THESE PRESENTS…
1. A year’s supply of Viagra or Altoids — gift-wrapped.
2. An application to be on “Extreme Makeover” (and not the Home Edition).
3. An invite to an exclusive holiday event with the White House “party crashers.”
As told to Donna M. Owens

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