The happy ‘Bachelor’ couple {thanks, ABC}

Still coming down from the unexpectedly riveting Winter Olympics? We’ve got you covered. Here’s our pop culture week in review — with a bit of Olympics chaser to go down smoothly.

VIENNA WINS ‘THE BACHELOR’: Apparently, not just for sausages anymore.

ASTRO-NUT: Oh, Buzz Aldrin. You can either talk scientifically about bringing man to Mars or you can join the cast of “Dancing With the Stars.” But not both.

LINDSAY LOHAN TO PEN MEMOIR: Stop trying to make “respectability” happen, Lindsay. It’s not going to happen.

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Some say this is a Justin Bieber. We’re just not sure {thanks, AP}

Whether you were figuring out curling or deciphering Lil Wayne’s emo tweets, we’re pretty sure you had a busy week. So we’ve been keeping track of the pop culture highlights you may have missed. You’re welcome.

CONFUSION OF THE WEEK: Though he’s all over Twitter and about to play “Saturday Night Live,” we still have no clue what a Justin Bieber is.

DEAR ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: We get it. You love “Lost.” But do you really have to put it on your cover every other week?

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Welcome back, Sade! {thanks, EPIC}

This week, we discovered that renting the makes-you-too-scared-to-go-outdoors “Cabin Fever” is not the best way to get over cabin fever. So instead we spent our time collecting the best stories pop culture threw down. Here’s our week in review:

MOST WELCOME RETURN: Sade, which sold 500K copies of comeback album Soldier of Love in its first week. Also, we learned that Sade is the name of the band and not just the lead singer, a fact that eluded us for 20 years.

BEST THING WE SAW ALL WEEK: Photo essay “How to properly enjoy Ed Hardy wine” on thechive.com. Hint: It involves a toilet.

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That’s one sexy T-Rex smile {thanks, The Baltimore Sun}

While you frantically found chairs to reserve your parking spot, we kept up with what was happening in the world of celebs not slammed with snow. Here’s your pop culture week in review

Sexy dinos: Discovery’s “Tyrannosaurus Sex.” From the press release: “It shows dinosaur sex in all its glory. How did a ferocious T-Rex woo his lady? How did a female Titanosaur support the weight of a male who was as long as a four-story building is high?” Uh, maybe Jurassic yoga helped? Tune in 10 p.m. Sunday.

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The Situation will make u a drank this Thursday {thanks, MTV}

1. The Situation at ‘Mad River’
Chill out, Freckles McGee. Yes, we’re also excited about “Jersey Shore” hardcore fist-pumper Mike guest-bartending at Mad River. But we fear too much glee/loose talk might get us excluded from surf and turf night — not to mention chicken cutlet and/or ravioli night. We’ll have to settle for silently checking out Mike’s grenade-handling abilities. Better reserve your place soon, because we hear it’s filling up fast. 9 p.m.-close Thursday. 1110 S. Charles St., Federal Hill. 410.727.2333 or madriverbaltimore.com. JORDAN BARTEL, B

2. 2010 Winter Olympics
NBC’s coverage of the 2010 Winter Olympics begins Friday with opening ceremonies coverage starting at 7:30 p.m. Then you can expect more than 200 hours of coverage over the next two weeks. I won’t be sleeping much during that fortnight. For TV schedules on NBC’s family of networks, go to nbcolympics.com. BRIAN KRISTA, B

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Is that Tilda Swinton or Conan O’Brien? … OK, it’s Swinton {thanks, AP}

Thanks to the launch of the iPad, we had to endure way too many mentions (which is to say, any mention at all) of the iTampon. Thanks, Mr. Jobs. But — sorry, Apple — other stuff actually happened this week. Here’s your pop culture week in review:

DEAR TILDA SWINTON: We used to be afraid of you. We think it had something to do with the Ginger-Height Theory of Relativity which we believe Einstein was working on when he died. But now that you’ve said you’re interested in playing Conan O’Brien in a movie, you have a new place in our hearts.

BEST STORY OF THE WEEK: Us reveals that Jessica Simpson farted during a business meeting this month. “The tension was extreme,” says an insider. New life goal: to be a Jessica Simpson farting insider.

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What’s the best reason to forgive Kanye West? {thanks, AP}

When was the last time you heard someone was excited for the Grammys? (It probably had something to do with Eminem and Elton John.) We think the Grammys are too stuffy and boring, so we’ve taken the task of rethinking this year’s Grammy categories. It can’t be any worse than the real show (judge for yourself this Sunday at 8 p.m. on CBS). We want your help though. After the jump, vote in some of our categories and leave some comments, too (anything Grammy-related — including your album of the year, what song you were sick of, your favorite Lady Gaga outfit, etc. — works!). Your responses might end up in Friday’s b.

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John Mayer lets it all out {thanks, AP}

While you were donating to Haiti relief, we were (sadly) busy with (somewhat) less noble endeavors — checking out the magazine rack. Magazines this week seemed to operate out of Crazytown. We’ve got evidence below. Here’s your pop culture week in review.

REQUIRED READING: John Mayer’s Rolling Stone cover. First there’s that headline: “Dirty Mind, Lonely Heart.” Then there’s the admissions that he hasn’t gotten over ex Jennifer Aniston.

Will someone please translate his explanation for the break-up: “What would I be saying to Jen (is), ‘I don’t dislike you. In fact, I like you extremely well. But I have to back out of this because it doesn’t arc over the horizon.’”

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A “vajazzled” vagina keeps your boyfriend (Jamie Kennedy, right) happy. Right, Jennifer Love Hewitt? {thanks, AP}

We know you’ve spent most of the week working on your Rally on Washington for Conan campaign. So we’ve been keeping track of everything pop culture this week. After reading, carry on making that ginger-haired hot-air balloon.

GREAT DEBATE: We’re still trying to figure out whether we’re more upset to learn that “vajazzling” means decorating your vagina with crystals or the fact that Jennifer Love Hewitt’s friends actually put crystals on her lady parts to help her get over a break-up. Both equally awful.

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